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PASSENGER OF LIFE

the feelings, emotions, mindset, and life of a student

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I am running | Insomniac brat. 

I am running

running from the sleep
keeping myself of the dreams
dreams that aren’t reality

I am running 
running from the thoughts
of me being older and
mis managing my responsibility

I am running 
running from the emotions
develops on the mobile screen
while expressing them is my worst ability

I am running 
running from the talks 
everyone speaks of their achievements
sneaking into a cloak of invisibility

I am running
running from the light
afraid that its going to burn me
ruining every last of my opportunity

I am running
running away from the culture
created by the standards of some men
they call themselves the society

I am running
running away from the personal connections
safe guarding myself by a wall
thoughts that those aren’t true hospitality

I am running
running towards the addiction
the feeling of high over drugs
drowning myself in a pool of humility

I am running 
running towards the wreck
maybe be a masterpiece one day
and gain myself immortality

I am running
running to nothing 
mom & dad , I am sorry.
watch from over my shoulders, my futility. 
#341am7october2016iamrunning. 
Debjyoti Saha

Under the pouring rain | Insomniac Brat

I was standing in the pouring rain,
holding her hand;
down by the 6th lane.
looking at her gloomy eyes,
washing my pride and pain;
no, i didn’t want that night to end.

she looked at me with eyes so bright
sorry, I couldn’t pretend that everything’s alright.
i held her hand, put me around her.
we were getting comfy ,
to the heat of our body.
while i listen to her scold,
being drenched and soaked in cold.
I was standing in the pouring rain,
holding her hand;
down by the 6th lane.
i could feel the pain,
the rush of blood through her veins,
feeling those feelings ;
were driving me Insane.

I hugged her so tight,
held her closer to me,
being afraid that,
it might be another dream,
on another night.
Nothing felt so perfect,
& everything was alright.

I was standing in the pouring rain
holding her hand;
down by the 6th lane.
the rain stopped and cleared the sky;
while i kissed her ,
under the silver lining of the moonbeam.
spent the rest of the time,
up and gazing  her beauty;
under the million star stream.

#233am15thsept2016underthepouringrain

Motivation | Poem an year ago!

The worlds just playing
It is just making you saying
You are making a fool out of yourself
What is wrong with you?
You can cut through them
You know they can’t beat you
You are just not working the way
Useless for me to say
They can’t understand you
Cause you are different
They think you can be bent
Show them what you are made of
Show them you can build your own tent
You think fast , they are slow
They will never last, they will never know
I say you go with the flow ,
Also target the priorities with your bow.
Sometimes attitude won’t just matter
Speak up loud, don’t just utter
People are going to talk at your back
They are just full bullshit sack
Show them what you are made of
Show them your fears
Let them know about your tears
Let them know about your story
Show them that you are worried
Show them that you care
Let them know that you are buried
Let them know what you can bear
Show them what is special about you
Show them what is that they don’t have
Let them know how to beable to see the other day
Let them know what isabout the other day
They will laugh at you,
You are your own kind
Don’t let others ruin your mind!
Do what you love to, have to!
Ignore could’s and make it happen!
If you will , I can pay your bill.!!
#1203am31082015MotivationCanMakeItHappen!!

What hurts?

What hurts?
Is when you aren’t feeling well.
Still waiting for the person,
Hoping they would ring the door bell.
What hurts?
Is when you find something so perfect,
And somewhere you found ;
Never was worth it.
What hurts?
Is when you are waiting for a text,
While you are being ignored
Even if it was your best.
What hurts?
Is when you cry yourself to sleep,
The next morning
And you cut yourself so deep.
What hurts?
Is when your day starts alright
Struggling through the day
it turns to a wreck by midnight.
What hurts?
Is when you think of someone all day,
And realising that, they pushed you away.
What hurts?
Is when you are soaking your blood in wine.
Hoping that one day it would all turn out fine.
What hurts?
Is when you think it’s a perfect life,
And the very next moment you search for knife.
What hurts?
Is when you love someone,
Even when not in sight.
When they left you in the dark
On the street by the lamplight.

#521pm17thaugust2016whathurts?
Debjyoti Saha

Maybe;

Maybe you love me more
or, Maybe you love me less.
Maybe you miss me
or, Maybe you had forgotten about me.
Maybe I am your nightmare
or, Maybe I am your sweet dreams.
Maybe you cry yourself to sleep
or, Maybe you would careless.
Maybe you have got past it
or, Maybe you clinch on to it.
Maybe you cherish it
or, Maybe you regret it.
Maybe you want to come running
or, Maybe you want to runaway.
Maybe there’s thousands of thoughts
or, Maybe you think of me.
Maybe you get angry when you see my name
or, Maybe you smile and remember me.

I got no but’s with these maybe’s;
I got no more wishes;
I got no more excuses;
I got no more lies;
I got no nothing going on;
and, I ain’t running away no more.

I got to tell you the truth;
I got to hold on to you;
I got to dream with you;
I got to kiss you good night;
I got to hold you tight.

I know there’s no way.
I know you wouldn’t believe.
I know I gave you the reason not to.
I know I lost your trust.
I know I sent you away.

I really need you tonight,
like every other.
I really need you on sunshine,
like every other.
I really want to hold your hands,
like every other.
I really want to laugh and cry,
like every other.
I really want you for forever,
like every other.

#2359pm13072016Maybe

Thoughts & Nights!

There is a bunch of thoughts in my head, I think of writing about it, I always hit the blank pages everyday. I haven’t been so emotionally exhausted, driven , depressed, tensed , and a whole lot of other feelings. Honestly, I don’t really know what love is?. I have also been in relationships what didn’t workout as planned but I let them all go. I have a hard time trusting people on their words, technically it’s all I have known from this life, and that your tears don’t matter, you’d only be crying yourself to sleep but the next morning you’d wake to the best of thoughts maybe today she will talk, or share something, or just maybe your day will be fine. but you will only be hitting dead ends at the end of the day, and when you stop trying so hard to get yourself through the night, sneak in a little alcohol or smoke weed be high and try to calm your damaged mind. you may find peace within it. All it does is numb you or plunge you into your own thoughts you don’t want to think of. I am not a writer, I may write , some of them maybe good, I know they are appreciated, I don’t. when I try to write its my mind letting the things I wanna say take the form of words or whatever sentences it creates. its a curse. It will keep you awake on midnight. Make yourself more lonely and miserable than you have been. and then on other nights you won’t just sleep because you are whiny about little things happening to you all throughout this day, and then you would think of a future, trying to put yourself into a position as in your fathers, think about working hard and determined again in an era of competition only the best and clever survives. That’s when you, you’d think that living the life is scarier than death, when you die its all over, you die in a second, your pain would be over, but your share of pain would be on your family, but would it? thinking harder would cause dizziness and at-last you would sleep like never before.
I have been called nerd , geek , fool, nonsense, and what not, honestly I am just quiet, quiet as numb calls on a dead body. but in the likeness of life, love is just a word, the people who care for you are the ones that actually have a connection for you, the people that want you to succeed, want to listen to you humming, the people who prioritize you before the world, and the people that check on you before you close your eyes for the day, the people who remember you every night before the close their eyes for a tomorrow that’s gonna be harsh as ever , still hope’s to hear from you one last time, it’s what gets them dreams and they wake up each morning just for you. life’s so goddamn hard, if you have that person you are lucky, never let go of them, they are your share of life’s treasure.

 

I wish I cared a little more than what I did back that day, maybe the person would be by my side.

​Sat around the corner of the corridor

Sipping down champagne 

Watching the pouring rain 

Clear blue skies turning grey

Watched from the background 

As My life just fades away

While staying alive on life support 

The monitor beeps through every report

I closed my eyes once again

It’s the memories that keep me awake

I couldn’t help it, but

Whatever gets me through the night

Hoping to see her face by next sunlight 

I was so broken, more than a train wreck 

Losing her was so damn heart break

Wondering if I could have checked

The way things are now, 

Her thoughts keep me awake

 still hoping, that’s not easy to break

See her in his hallucinations 

It seems so sweet

But all it is, are nightmares 

That haunts him in his sleep 

His woulds are invisible

But it runs down so deep

Wondering if it all went wrong 

But everything that felt so right 

Whatever gets me through the night

I read her conversations just to make me sleep

I imagine kissing her forehead ,

She touched my soul so damn deep

It’s hard to forget her, when she gave me 

So much more than anyone to keep

These are all in my dreams

Whatever gets me through the night. 

Honestly I don’t want to give up on you just yet.

#309am070716whatevergetsyouthroughthenight

Its about her and me.

I liked her and she liked me
We both were dumb assess
Blindfolded by the thoughts
We couldn’t see through
When we said we liked each other
It was enough for both of us
And when we were together
Wished that it lasts forever
It was a day, we couldn’t forget
She loved me and i loved her
Saw our time pass by us
And we couldn’t stop it there
It was our bond, didn’t care
the next day didn’t seem fair
Apart again as separate strangers
Still couldn’t forget her pretty face
Although haven’t seen her, pictures
That were the only fairshare
Maybe we didn’t kiss on the lips
We didnt feel the warmth of other’s skin
But it was more than what meets the eye
We are separated, without a goodbye.
I couldn’t look into her innocent eyes
Hear her voice through the walls
Her imaginary everything is perfect
I don’t guess Wrong, she is worth it.
She cuts herself, i could feel the pain
For blood rolls down as tears
Cause losing each other was our big fear
If given a chance to be together
Wouldn’t hesitate to pay the price
i couldn’t change her scars from before
But the next scars on her whole body
Would be her smile, big and hearty
Her glamour, innocence and beauty
Won’t be spoiled again, its my duty.

If she’s reading this, oh well, I Love Her.
#00:36am03062016itsaboutherandme
Debjyoti

Life – Rubik’s Cube II

Hey Everyone, Good Morning.
Well where was i yesterday?- The mixture and complexities of emotions.
the different emotions hate , love , anger , happiness, sadness , scared, etc; always share a different relationships between them. This emotions complexly form a set of whole new emotions, for example; this is the wheel of emotions (credits :plutchik’s wheel of emotions )
plutchik-wheel-wiki
these emotions have a combined effect on the brain which is later led by mood and words. This is hard for me to explain, i am no psychiatrist. but according to plutchik’s research he says,”

Plutchik’s psychoevolutionary theory of basic emotions has ten postulates.

  1. The concept of emotion is applicable to all evolutionary levels and applies to all animals including humans.
  2. Emotions have an evolutionary history and have evolved various forms of expression in different species.
  3. Emotions served an adaptive role in helping organisms deal with key survival issues posed by the environment.
  4. Despite different forms of expression of emotions in different species, there are certain common elements, or prototype patterns, that can be identified.
  5. There is a small number of basic, primary, or prototype emotions.
  6. All other emotions are mixed or derivative states; that is, they occur as combinations, mixtures, or compounds of the primary emotions.
  7. Primary emotions are hypothetical constructs or idealized states whose properties and characteristics can only be inferred from various kinds of evidence.
  8. Primary emotions can be conceptualized in terms of pairs of polar opposites.
  9. All emotions vary in their degree of similarity to one another.
  10. Each emotion can exist in varying degrees of intensity or levels of arousal. “

here are some of the examples of the complexities;
(all credits to wikipedia; for more click contrast of emotions )

please read the following links to know about much, i swear this is good to read about emotions if you can’t capture or understand them.
1. plutchik’s wheel of emotion.
2. understanding brain functions and mental experience.
3. Robert plutchik .
4. video representation of plutchik’s wheel of emotions .

i hope that you enjoyed this part. please like and follow for more interesting articles that i will be posting here for you all. I know i am not an expert, but hey, does it matter ? there are researches about this. Please go through on this, please let me know below comments. 

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