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PASSENGER OF LIFE

the feelings, emotions, mindset, and life of a student

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emotions

I am running | Insomniac brat. 

I am running

running from the sleep
keeping myself of the dreams
dreams that aren’t reality

I am running 
running from the thoughts
of me being older and
mis managing my responsibility

I am running 
running from the emotions
develops on the mobile screen
while expressing them is my worst ability

I am running 
running from the talks 
everyone speaks of their achievements
sneaking into a cloak of invisibility

I am running
running from the light
afraid that its going to burn me
ruining every last of my opportunity

I am running
running away from the culture
created by the standards of some men
they call themselves the society

I am running
running away from the personal connections
safe guarding myself by a wall
thoughts that those aren’t true hospitality

I am running
running towards the addiction
the feeling of high over drugs
drowning myself in a pool of humility

I am running 
running towards the wreck
maybe be a masterpiece one day
and gain myself immortality

I am running
running to nothing 
mom & dad , I am sorry.
watch from over my shoulders, my futility. 
#341am7october2016iamrunning. 
Debjyoti Saha

Under the pouring rain | Insomniac Brat

I was standing in the pouring rain,
holding her hand;
down by the 6th lane.
looking at her gloomy eyes,
washing my pride and pain;
no, i didn’t want that night to end.

she looked at me with eyes so bright
sorry, I couldn’t pretend that everything’s alright.
i held her hand, put me around her.
we were getting comfy ,
to the heat of our body.
while i listen to her scold,
being drenched and soaked in cold.
I was standing in the pouring rain,
holding her hand;
down by the 6th lane.
i could feel the pain,
the rush of blood through her veins,
feeling those feelings ;
were driving me Insane.

I hugged her so tight,
held her closer to me,
being afraid that,
it might be another dream,
on another night.
Nothing felt so perfect,
& everything was alright.

I was standing in the pouring rain
holding her hand;
down by the 6th lane.
the rain stopped and cleared the sky;
while i kissed her ,
under the silver lining of the moonbeam.
spent the rest of the time,
up and gazing  her beauty;
under the million star stream.

#233am15thsept2016underthepouringrain

What hurts?

What hurts?
Is when you aren’t feeling well.
Still waiting for the person,
Hoping they would ring the door bell.
What hurts?
Is when you find something so perfect,
And somewhere you found ;
Never was worth it.
What hurts?
Is when you are waiting for a text,
While you are being ignored
Even if it was your best.
What hurts?
Is when you cry yourself to sleep,
The next morning
And you cut yourself so deep.
What hurts?
Is when your day starts alright
Struggling through the day
it turns to a wreck by midnight.
What hurts?
Is when you think of someone all day,
And realising that, they pushed you away.
What hurts?
Is when you are soaking your blood in wine.
Hoping that one day it would all turn out fine.
What hurts?
Is when you think it’s a perfect life,
And the very next moment you search for knife.
What hurts?
Is when you love someone,
Even when not in sight.
When they left you in the dark
On the street by the lamplight.

#521pm17thaugust2016whathurts?
Debjyoti Saha

Maybe;

Maybe you love me more
or, Maybe you love me less.
Maybe you miss me
or, Maybe you had forgotten about me.
Maybe I am your nightmare
or, Maybe I am your sweet dreams.
Maybe you cry yourself to sleep
or, Maybe you would careless.
Maybe you have got past it
or, Maybe you clinch on to it.
Maybe you cherish it
or, Maybe you regret it.
Maybe you want to come running
or, Maybe you want to runaway.
Maybe there’s thousands of thoughts
or, Maybe you think of me.
Maybe you get angry when you see my name
or, Maybe you smile and remember me.

I got no but’s with these maybe’s;
I got no more wishes;
I got no more excuses;
I got no more lies;
I got no nothing going on;
and, I ain’t running away no more.

I got to tell you the truth;
I got to hold on to you;
I got to dream with you;
I got to kiss you good night;
I got to hold you tight.

I know there’s no way.
I know you wouldn’t believe.
I know I gave you the reason not to.
I know I lost your trust.
I know I sent you away.

I really need you tonight,
like every other.
I really need you on sunshine,
like every other.
I really want to hold your hands,
like every other.
I really want to laugh and cry,
like every other.
I really want you for forever,
like every other.

#2359pm13072016Maybe

Thoughts & Nights!

There is a bunch of thoughts in my head, I think of writing about it, I always hit the blank pages everyday. I haven’t been so emotionally exhausted, driven , depressed, tensed , and a whole lot of other feelings. Honestly, I don’t really know what love is?. I have also been in relationships what didn’t workout as planned but I let them all go. I have a hard time trusting people on their words, technically it’s all I have known from this life, and that your tears don’t matter, you’d only be crying yourself to sleep but the next morning you’d wake to the best of thoughts maybe today she will talk, or share something, or just maybe your day will be fine. but you will only be hitting dead ends at the end of the day, and when you stop trying so hard to get yourself through the night, sneak in a little alcohol or smoke weed be high and try to calm your damaged mind. you may find peace within it. All it does is numb you or plunge you into your own thoughts you don’t want to think of. I am not a writer, I may write , some of them maybe good, I know they are appreciated, I don’t. when I try to write its my mind letting the things I wanna say take the form of words or whatever sentences it creates. its a curse. It will keep you awake on midnight. Make yourself more lonely and miserable than you have been. and then on other nights you won’t just sleep because you are whiny about little things happening to you all throughout this day, and then you would think of a future, trying to put yourself into a position as in your fathers, think about working hard and determined again in an era of competition only the best and clever survives. That’s when you, you’d think that living the life is scarier than death, when you die its all over, you die in a second, your pain would be over, but your share of pain would be on your family, but would it? thinking harder would cause dizziness and at-last you would sleep like never before.
I have been called nerd , geek , fool, nonsense, and what not, honestly I am just quiet, quiet as numb calls on a dead body. but in the likeness of life, love is just a word, the people who care for you are the ones that actually have a connection for you, the people that want you to succeed, want to listen to you humming, the people who prioritize you before the world, and the people that check on you before you close your eyes for the day, the people who remember you every night before the close their eyes for a tomorrow that’s gonna be harsh as ever , still hope’s to hear from you one last time, it’s what gets them dreams and they wake up each morning just for you. life’s so goddamn hard, if you have that person you are lucky, never let go of them, they are your share of life’s treasure.

 

I wish I cared a little more than what I did back that day, maybe the person would be by my side.

Life – Rubik’s Cube II

Hey Everyone, Good Morning.
Well where was i yesterday?- The mixture and complexities of emotions.
the different emotions hate , love , anger , happiness, sadness , scared, etc; always share a different relationships between them. This emotions complexly form a set of whole new emotions, for example; this is the wheel of emotions (credits :plutchik’s wheel of emotions )
plutchik-wheel-wiki
these emotions have a combined effect on the brain which is later led by mood and words. This is hard for me to explain, i am no psychiatrist. but according to plutchik’s research he says,”

Plutchik’s psychoevolutionary theory of basic emotions has ten postulates.

  1. The concept of emotion is applicable to all evolutionary levels and applies to all animals including humans.
  2. Emotions have an evolutionary history and have evolved various forms of expression in different species.
  3. Emotions served an adaptive role in helping organisms deal with key survival issues posed by the environment.
  4. Despite different forms of expression of emotions in different species, there are certain common elements, or prototype patterns, that can be identified.
  5. There is a small number of basic, primary, or prototype emotions.
  6. All other emotions are mixed or derivative states; that is, they occur as combinations, mixtures, or compounds of the primary emotions.
  7. Primary emotions are hypothetical constructs or idealized states whose properties and characteristics can only be inferred from various kinds of evidence.
  8. Primary emotions can be conceptualized in terms of pairs of polar opposites.
  9. All emotions vary in their degree of similarity to one another.
  10. Each emotion can exist in varying degrees of intensity or levels of arousal. “

here are some of the examples of the complexities;
(all credits to wikipedia; for more click contrast of emotions )

please read the following links to know about much, i swear this is good to read about emotions if you can’t capture or understand them.
1. plutchik’s wheel of emotion.
2. understanding brain functions and mental experience.
3. Robert plutchik .
4. video representation of plutchik’s wheel of emotions .

i hope that you enjoyed this part. please like and follow for more interesting articles that i will be posting here for you all. I know i am not an expert, but hey, does it matter ? there are researches about this. Please go through on this, please let me know below comments. 

Life -Rubik’s Cube I

umm, where to start? “- my first reaction to this topic. Its not that i have been asked to write about it , but i just wanted to speak about my thoughts on life.
As you can read here, i gave life in the notation of a rubik’s cube. Why? Why did i do that? of all the things on this earth why is life (to me) a rubik’s cube?“. 
Life deals with emotions, and as explained by psychologists;

 Emotion is a complex mental status, physical activities (like movements) along with the hormonal secretion from the body accompanied by the thoughts in process.

To explain emotion: “please concern your message to the almighty.”
We all experience this emotions every single second of our life. To be honest, I myself can’t figure my emotions out & i cant figure out what deal of emotions the person in front of me carries. To those who can actually understand emotions of life, my salute to you. You are blessed.
Now, about the Rubik’s cube; the cube with six faces and nine separate subdivisions on each face, where each face contains a solid color, solved by a (many) mathematical algorithms. (The brief about the cube).
Six faces of the cube : emphasises six different emotions of people.
Those emotions are ;

  1. Happiness 
  2. Sadness
  3. Anger
  4. Hatred
  5. Love
  6. Fear 

combining each of these six emotions, a complex reaction of these further produces more emotions. Its hard to compile the thoughts, even if you do people think of you as a psychic.

this article is of 250 words exact leaving this note that i will be back with the next part of the life – Rubik’s cube tomorrow or maybe later. why this sudden break? i lack concentration. (great disadvantage.) You must be thinking what a pathetic writer!, well i am no writer. I just type on a blank sheet with words making my own sentence. please forgive me for my incompetence.

-Debjyoti

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