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PASSENGER OF LIFE

the feelings, emotions, mindset, and life of a student

Tag

depression

I am a Demon

​I waged a war against my demons!

Fought for the calmness ;

Everything was messy in my mind,

Little did I know that,

My condition was never fine.

Found out that my peace;

 the mastermind of my sins behind.

It wore a mask of a fake smile,

threw me around ,Like a projectile,

Stitched and patched in bandages

Trapped like a bird in the cages.

Drove me insane, all I did was whine;

wounded and shabby, Got up Everytime!

Let my rage and pain ride me.

I sided with my demons inside;

Started destroying everything around

I smiled from inside, my turn this time.

#958pm12thnovember2016I’mADemon

What hurts?

What hurts?
Is when you aren’t feeling well.
Still waiting for the person,
Hoping they would ring the door bell.
What hurts?
Is when you find something so perfect,
And somewhere you found ;
Never was worth it.
What hurts?
Is when you are waiting for a text,
While you are being ignored
Even if it was your best.
What hurts?
Is when you cry yourself to sleep,
The next morning
And you cut yourself so deep.
What hurts?
Is when your day starts alright
Struggling through the day
it turns to a wreck by midnight.
What hurts?
Is when you think of someone all day,
And realising that, they pushed you away.
What hurts?
Is when you are soaking your blood in wine.
Hoping that one day it would all turn out fine.
What hurts?
Is when you think it’s a perfect life,
And the very next moment you search for knife.
What hurts?
Is when you love someone,
Even when not in sight.
When they left you in the dark
On the street by the lamplight.

#521pm17thaugust2016whathurts?
Debjyoti Saha

Nightmare Today. 

​07-08-16: 5:36 am

I woke up to a dream, A nightmare actually. I was all sweaty , out of breath and thirsty. Water didn’t quench a bit of it. Sleep wouldn’t come so easily. Grabbed my earphones from the desk and tuned in to lullaby section. Its not the first time this has happened to me, Usually I would sleep through my nightmares peacefully and wake up as nothing had happened. when so many things are on your mind and you really don’t have someone to talk it out of you, its natural to be exhausted, driven , tired and often see a different perspective to a situation, become judgemental and you become a prisoner of your mind, suddenly your freedom is suspended. Becoming an introvert, selfish and intolerant to people and their stupidity . Things you enjoy are no longer a part of your life. Robbed of innocence, humor and emotions. Some people pretend to enjoy this. Prison of Thoughts is their new freedom. I am not an expert writer nor do I wish to write any articles on my life, to me its a curse, keeps us awake when you are required to sleep. Back to my dream; 

I was walking through a road between two stations, when I was approached by four or three of the strangers asking me questions of my way of journey, I didn’t intend to answer them but I figured that I would hurry and get out of this mess by answering his questions. I stopped for a minute and spoke to the person, and started to my road a few minutes later I was startled by noticing that the strangers were following me by a distance. I took up a turn, which by the way I shouldn’t have taken I ran into their nest, I saw their machetes and the butcher knifes and the skinned humans with their heads chopped off. CANNIBALS ! I was attacked by the stranger who stopped me on the way. I was chopped of my left arm and though it was a dream the chopped felt real, the pai n and the blood, the numbness of my body growing dizziness and I ran out of consciousness. An hour later when my senses returned with no left arm, someone chopped my fingernails of my toes and ripped my tongue while I was out. I could feel the pain, I could only imagine myself alive after a chopped arm but it felt real. its like you are facing my own death and someone really enjoyed me witness my death. They made me drink my own blood and hanged me by a sickle through my right arm. Slowly they started peeling the skin of my chest. No screaming, No Numbness, just excruciating pain of being alive when you are literally ripped to shreds. 

And to the tragic part someone then bulls-eyed me to the eye with a dart. And imagine yourself bleeding blood through eyes. Unbearable. I woke up. It was scary. 

Thoughts & Nights!

There is a bunch of thoughts in my head, I think of writing about it, I always hit the blank pages everyday. I haven’t been so emotionally exhausted, driven , depressed, tensed , and a whole lot of other feelings. Honestly, I don’t really know what love is?. I have also been in relationships what didn’t workout as planned but I let them all go. I have a hard time trusting people on their words, technically it’s all I have known from this life, and that your tears don’t matter, you’d only be crying yourself to sleep but the next morning you’d wake to the best of thoughts maybe today she will talk, or share something, or just maybe your day will be fine. but you will only be hitting dead ends at the end of the day, and when you stop trying so hard to get yourself through the night, sneak in a little alcohol or smoke weed be high and try to calm your damaged mind. you may find peace within it. All it does is numb you or plunge you into your own thoughts you don’t want to think of. I am not a writer, I may write , some of them maybe good, I know they are appreciated, I don’t. when I try to write its my mind letting the things I wanna say take the form of words or whatever sentences it creates. its a curse. It will keep you awake on midnight. Make yourself more lonely and miserable than you have been. and then on other nights you won’t just sleep because you are whiny about little things happening to you all throughout this day, and then you would think of a future, trying to put yourself into a position as in your fathers, think about working hard and determined again in an era of competition only the best and clever survives. That’s when you, you’d think that living the life is scarier than death, when you die its all over, you die in a second, your pain would be over, but your share of pain would be on your family, but would it? thinking harder would cause dizziness and at-last you would sleep like never before.
I have been called nerd , geek , fool, nonsense, and what not, honestly I am just quiet, quiet as numb calls on a dead body. but in the likeness of life, love is just a word, the people who care for you are the ones that actually have a connection for you, the people that want you to succeed, want to listen to you humming, the people who prioritize you before the world, and the people that check on you before you close your eyes for the day, the people who remember you every night before the close their eyes for a tomorrow that’s gonna be harsh as ever , still hope’s to hear from you one last time, it’s what gets them dreams and they wake up each morning just for you. life’s so goddamn hard, if you have that person you are lucky, never let go of them, they are your share of life’s treasure.

 

I wish I cared a little more than what I did back that day, maybe the person would be by my side.

Life -Rubik’s Cube I

umm, where to start? “- my first reaction to this topic. Its not that i have been asked to write about it , but i just wanted to speak about my thoughts on life.
As you can read here, i gave life in the notation of a rubik’s cube. Why? Why did i do that? of all the things on this earth why is life (to me) a rubik’s cube?“. 
Life deals with emotions, and as explained by psychologists;

 Emotion is a complex mental status, physical activities (like movements) along with the hormonal secretion from the body accompanied by the thoughts in process.

To explain emotion: “please concern your message to the almighty.”
We all experience this emotions every single second of our life. To be honest, I myself can’t figure my emotions out & i cant figure out what deal of emotions the person in front of me carries. To those who can actually understand emotions of life, my salute to you. You are blessed.
Now, about the Rubik’s cube; the cube with six faces and nine separate subdivisions on each face, where each face contains a solid color, solved by a (many) mathematical algorithms. (The brief about the cube).
Six faces of the cube : emphasises six different emotions of people.
Those emotions are ;

  1. Happiness 
  2. Sadness
  3. Anger
  4. Hatred
  5. Love
  6. Fear 

combining each of these six emotions, a complex reaction of these further produces more emotions. Its hard to compile the thoughts, even if you do people think of you as a psychic.

this article is of 250 words exact leaving this note that i will be back with the next part of the life – Rubik’s cube tomorrow or maybe later. why this sudden break? i lack concentration. (great disadvantage.) You must be thinking what a pathetic writer!, well i am no writer. I just type on a blank sheet with words making my own sentence. please forgive me for my incompetence.

-Debjyoti

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