There is a bunch of thoughts in my head, I think of writing about it, I always hit the blank pages everyday. I haven’t been so emotionally exhausted, driven , depressed, tensed , and a whole lot of other feelings. Honestly, I don’t really know what love is?. I have also been in relationships what didn’t workout as planned but I let them all go. I have a hard time trusting people on their words, technically it’s all I have known from this life, and that your tears don’t matter, you’d only be crying yourself to sleep but the next morning you’d wake to the best of thoughts maybe today she will talk, or share something, or just maybe your day will be fine. but you will only be hitting dead ends at the end of the day, and when you stop trying so hard to get yourself through the night, sneak in a little alcohol or smoke weed be high and try to calm your damaged mind. you may find peace within it. All it does is numb you or plunge you into your own thoughts you don’t want to think of. I am not a writer, I may write , some of them maybe good, I know they are appreciated, I don’t. when I try to write its my mind letting the things I wanna say take the form of words or whatever sentences it creates. its a curse. It will keep you awake on midnight. Make yourself more lonely and miserable than you have been. and then on other nights you won’t just sleep because you are whiny about little things happening to you all throughout this day, and then you would think of a future, trying to put yourself into a position as in your fathers, think about working hard and determined again in an era of competition only the best and clever survives. That’s when you, you’d think that living the life is scarier than death, when you die its all over, you die in a second, your pain would be over, but your share of pain would be on your family, but would it? thinking harder would cause dizziness and at-last you would sleep like never before.
I have been called nerd , geek , fool, nonsense, and what not, honestly I am just quiet, quiet as numb calls on a dead body. but in the likeness of life, love is just a word, the people who care for you are the ones that actually have a connection for you, the people that want you to succeed, want to listen to you humming, the people who prioritize you before the world, and the people that check on you before you close your eyes for the day, the people who remember you every night before the close their eyes for a tomorrow that’s gonna be harsh as ever , still hope’s to hear from you one last time, it’s what gets them dreams and they wake up each morning just for you. life’s so goddamn hard, if you have that person you are lucky, never let go of them, they are your share of life’s treasure.
I wish I cared a little more than what I did back that day, maybe the person would be by my side.